funny people quotes
The cat is the only animal which accepts the comforts but rejects the bondage of domesticity. ~Georges Louis Leclerc de Buffon
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. ~Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack, July 1735
Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. ~Ambrose Bierce
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? ~Author Unknown
We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Any man can hold a girl's hand, but only the elite can hold her feet. ~Author Unknown
A child's world is fresh and new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement. It is our misfortune that for most of us that clear-eyed vision, that true instinct for what is beautiful and awe-inspiring, is dimmed and even lost before we reach adulthood. ~Rachel Carson
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. ~Fred Allen
Hearing protection is a sound investment. ~Author Unknown
The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful. ~e.e. cummings
The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something that can be learned in no other way. ~Mark Twain
Why torture yourself when life'll do it for you? ~Author Unknown
Dance is a delicate balance between perfection and beauty. ~Author Unknown
I am whatever you make me, nothing more. I am your belief in yourself, your dream of what a people may become.... I am the clutch of an idea, and the reasoned purpose of resolution. I am no more than you believe me to be and I am all that you believe I can be. I am whatever you make me, nothing more. ~Franklin Knight Lane
A dog can express more with his tail in seconds than his owner can express with his tongue in hours. ~Author Unknown
Methinks it is a token of healthy and gentle characteristics, when women of high thoughts and accomplishments love to sew; especially as they are never more at home with their own hearts than while so occupied. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Marble Faun, 1859
Internet: absolute communication, absolute isolation. ~Paul Carvel
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. ~Jim Bishop
When I think about all the patients and their loved ones that I have worked with over the years, I know most of them don't remember me nor I them. But I do know that I gave a little piece of myself to each of them and they to me and those threads make up the beautiful tapestry in my mind that is my career in nursing. ~Donna Wilk Cardillo, A Daybook for Beginning Nurses
We exaggerate misfortune and happiness alike. We are never as bad off or as happy as we say we are. ~Honore de Balzac