cute funny sayings and quotes

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary



He showed that fame may be won and what services be rendered by a plain son of the people unaided by any gifts of fortune. ~James Bryce



One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. ~John Burroughs



We black men seem the sole oasis of simple faith and reverence in a dusty desert of dollars and smartness. ~W.E.B. DuBois



If you are as happy, my dear sir, on entering this house as I am in leaving it and returning home, you are the happiest man in this country. ~James Buchanan to Abraham Lincoln, 1861



When a fellow says it hain't the money but the principle o' the thing, it's th' money. ~Frank McKinney



The individual woman is required... a thousand times a day to choose either to accept her appointed role and thereby rescue her good disposition out of the wreckage of her self-respect, or else follow an independent line of behavior and rescue her self-respect out of the wreckage of her good disposition. ~Jeannette Rankin



And in today already walks tomorrow. ~Samuel Taylor Coleridge



The sun won't shine until you put the umbrella away. Be free. ~Author Unknown



In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. ~Cicero



Baseball is drama with an endless run and an ever-changing cast. ~Joe Garagiola, Baseball is a Funny Game



Now that... my kids are grown, I understand how much work and love it takes to raise and to keep a family together. The example of your strength, devotion, and patience is now rippling through the generations. Thank you! ~Forest Houtenschil



Our lives are like quilts - bits and pieces, joy and sorrow, stitched with love. ~Author Unknown



If you knew that hope and despair were paths to the same destination, which would you choose? ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on. ~Elbert Hubbard



Physical ills are the taxes laid upon this wretched life; some are taxed higher, and some lower, but all pay something. ~Lord Chesterfield



The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875. In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone. ~Bill DeWitt, 1972



Homer: "Well, I think the veal died of loneliness."



Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise. ~Alice Walker



Success without honor is an unseasoned dish; it will satisfy your hunger, but it won't taste good. ~Joe Paterno